Gay or European: Russian Style
by Cherokee Bonnefoy-Jones
Summary: The nations' children are having their version of a world meeting when one of the personifications of Oklahoma points something out about a Russian personification. You can guess how well this ends. A not happy State.


**Now that I think about it, this was probably a bad idea. More RP randomness.**

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The capitols of Finland, Sweden, France, England, Austria, Hungary, Belgium, Russia, Japan, a few States, the two portions of Russia and a couple of cities, along with a Canadian Province or two were having their version of a world meeting. Luckily, the current topic of conversation was nowhere near those talking about him. "There! Right there!" Cherokee - Indian Territory/Oklahoma - said, catching her friends' attentions. "Look at that pale skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that totally hairless chin. Oh, please he's gay. Totally gay."

Then her twin butted in. "I'm not about to celebrate that every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay." Several in the group then looked between Jessie - Oklahoma Territory - and Nikita - Moscow. And Jessie was saying this? The total tsundere of them?

All of them began talking in a hushed tone. "That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fey?"

"Look at his quaft and crispy locks," Budapest pointed out to Jessie.

"Look at his silk, translucent socks," Cherokee said, noticing that they _could_ see Alexander's socks. Huh.

Then Jessie had to be a kill joy. "There's the eternal paradox for what we're seein'."

"What're we seein'?"

"Is he gay - " "Of COURSE he's gay." Jessie slightly glared. " - OR European?"

They paused, looking at him. "Ooohh. . . . . Gay, or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?"

"Well, hey, don't look at me," St. Petersburg told them, making sure Cherokee was within kissing range so no one tried disproving anything.

"You see, they bring their boys up different there in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports," Tokyo brought up.

"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts," the several European boys said proudly. "Gay or European? The answer could take weeks. Gay or European? They both say things like 'Ciao, bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks."

"Oh, please." Cherokee was in denial. Only the Italians said that.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray," they lamented.

Paris was now afraid of where this was going when Quebec stepped in and put an arm around London's shoulder. "Depending on the time of day, Paris goes either way." This didn't help the girl's inner otaku.

"Is he gay or European? Or - "

"There! Right there!" London shouted, pointing at the Russian personification across the room. "Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a major hetro jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume is:

Automatically-radically,

Ironically chronically,

Certainly, pertin'tly,

Genetically medically -

Gay! Officially gay! Officially gay! Gay, gay, gay, g-" then Alexander started flirting with Athens. "DAMMIT! Gay or European?" Several were now biting their nails in frustration.

"So stylish and relaxed," Madrid butted in. "Is he gay or European?" "I think his chest is waxed."

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse," Tokyo pleaded. Since when was she AGAINST yaoi?

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"Yes, his accent is hypnotic. But his shoes are pointy-toed."

"Huh. Is he gay or European, so many shades of gray."

"But if turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday." Okay, was London trying to drop Paris a hint?

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Berlin said, standing at attention. "Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try."

Jessie motioned his hand to the front of the room. "The floor is yours."

Berlin went up to Alexander and asked him to sit, the room becoming quiet. "I was wondering if you could settle something for us."

"Da."

"This alleged affair with Ms. Klein has been going on for . . . . ?"

"Two years."

"And your human name again?"

"Alexander."

"And your boyfriend's name?"

"Wesley." Collective 'le gasp'. "I - I'm sorry. I thought you say 'best friend', da? Wesley is my . . . best friend." Why did they not believe him?

Wesley Jones, the State of Colorado, stood from his seat, Spanish blood boiling. "You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it! I no cover for you no more! Peoples, I have a BIG announcement! This man is gay AND European!"

"WOAH!"

"You've got to stop being a complete closet case! No matter what he says, he'll never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming boy band cabaret!"

"I'm straight!" was said only to save face.

"You were not yesterday. So if I may, I'm proud to say, he's gay!"

"And European!"

"He's gay!"

"And European!

"He's gay!"

"And European and GAY!"

"Fine, okay, I'm gay," the Russian admitted.

"HOORAY~!"

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**Yeah, me and Antonia are evil. We turned 'Break a Russian into HetaOni' somehow. I blame the Dr. Pepper.**


End file.
